My husband has committed the ultimate betrayal.
He is flying away, leaving me in utter despair. Didn't he say all the vows just a few years back? In sickness and in health, in maths and in physics??? Well, he has definitely forgotten all about them and is leaving me to deal with my daughter's maths, physics and computer science exams. All by myself.
My daughter is in class IX now and her exams are a pretty serious business. I am a whiz kid when it comes to Political Science. Environmental Science is also not too bad. Biology is another science I can manage, but when it comes to Computer Science or the most basic of the sciences,Physics, I turn into the Archie Comics character, Big Moose. A complete duh. So I was very happy when he promised me that he would always be around whenever it came to teaching these two dreadful subjects to our daughters. But I guess I was fooled by some good manners and a sincere voice. Women, never ever trust these ambitious over-achievers. They are never there when you need them.
I could ask for help from Deepika, my next door neighbour. But that poor woman is buried in work and her own daughter is also in class IX. My other friend Preeti could have come to my rescue too, but this IIT Mumbai faculty has gone to IIT Madras on a sabbatical. So I am in deep, deep trouble. My daughter and I would have to go through these troubled times together and I am feeling utterly incompetent. Though I must confess that more than feeling helpless, I am feeling furious. How could he abandon me when I needed him the most? Does he even know how it is,when one is feeling enraged and helpless at the same time? Well, I guess I can always show him. I am spitting venom here.
So I have been thinking and plotting about all the ways I could get back at him. After going through all the possibilities, I have shortlisted some options.
1. I could nuke his CD collection.
One day, when I had no work, I sat and counted his CDs. He had exactly 323 discs. One by one I could put them in the micro-wave and sit and enjoy the show. So all his Pink Floyds and Led Zeppelins, Eagles and Aerosmiths, BeeGees and Jethro tulls and the countless others could go. I think I will save the Abba. I am rather fond of it.
2. I could auction his gleaming, shining car on ebay and give the money to charity.
He is extremely attached to this inanimate object. Since he has kept it rather well, I think I can raise a good amount.
3. I could give away all his DVDs to the local video library.
There are approximately 200 of them.Some of them are Blu- rays. Better still, I could give them away as prizes on my blog. Whoever writes the wittiest comment gets the entire Godfather series. Or the Die Hard series. Old timers please do not lose heart. There are also some classic Hitchcocks. And those world war 2 movies like Where Eagles Dare and Guns of Navarone.
4. I could give away his precious Louis Vuitton bag to my maid.
I mean why would any man own a bag that costs more than an air ticket to New York? Crazy. This is not a punishment, this is saving him from sheer embarrassment. He will thank me for it.
5. I could give away his ties to the kids.
They can tie the ends and make a skipping rope out of it. I know some of them are Ferragamos, but anything to keep my kids happy. They have been clamouring for a skipping rope for quite some time now.
6. I thought of tearing up all his thick Harvard Business Reviews and make paper boats out of them, but I could not see myself destroying books. So I let that idea pass. But I thought I could may be tear up his most precious possession, his IIT id card. That has any way become pretty yellow with old age.How is that one for revenge?
My pure and uncomplicated mind ran out of ideas after this one friends. So I am seeking help from you. Please let me know if you have any more innovative ideas.
I promise you I will be grateful to you for your precious suggestions. What's more, I will even give an award for this.
Whoever comes up with the best idea for my revenge, will get 6 original Murano glass wine goblets that he bought from Venice. I am not telling you the price of these glasses if you are not sitting down. And to sweeten the deal, I will give away the 12 year old Johnnie Walker Black Label that he is saving for a special occasion.
Please let me know fast. He is coming back next week from the phoren shores.