Monday, August 24, 2009

Vengeance Is Mine



My husband has committed the ultimate betrayal.

He is flying away, leaving me in utter despair. Didn't he say all the vows just a few years back? In sickness and in health, in maths and in physics??? Well, he has definitely forgotten all about them and is leaving me to deal with my daughter's maths, physics and computer science exams. All by myself.

My daughter is in class IX now and her exams are a pretty serious business. I am a whiz kid when it comes to Political Science. Environmental Science is also not too bad. Biology is another science I can manage, but when it comes to Computer Science or the most basic of the sciences,P
hysics, I turn into the Archie Comics character, Big Moose. A complete duh. So I was very happy when he promised me that he would always be around whenever it came to teaching these two dreadful subjects to our daughters. But I guess I was fooled by some good manners and a sincere voice. Women, never ever trust these ambitious over-achievers. They are never there when you need them.

I could ask for help from Deepika, my next door neighbour. But that poor woman is buried in work and her own daughter is also in class IX. My other friend Preeti could have come to my rescue too, but this IIT Mumbai faculty has gone to IIT Madras on a sabbatical. So I am in deep, deep trouble. My daughter and I would have to go through these
troubled times together and I am feeling utterly incompetent. Though I must confess that more than feeling helpless, I am feeling furious. How could he abandon me when I needed him the most? Does he even know how it is,when one is feeling enraged and helpless at the same time? Well, I guess I can always show him. I am spitting venom here.

So I have been thinking and plotting about all the ways I could get back at him. After going through all the possibilities, I have shortlisted some options.

1. I could nuke his CD collection.
One day, when I had no work, I sat and counted his CDs. He had exactly 323 discs. One by one I could put them in the micro-wave and sit and enjoy the show. So all his Pink Floyds and Led Zeppelins, Eagles and Aerosmiths, BeeGees and Jethro tulls and the countless others could go. I think I will save the Abba. I am rather fond of it.

2. I could auction his gleaming, shining car on ebay and give the money to charity.
He is extremely attached to this inanimate object. Since he has kept it rather well, I think I can raise a good amount.

3. I could give away all his DVDs to the local video library.
There are approximately 200 of them.Some of them are Blu- rays. Better still, I could give them away as prizes on my blog. Whoever writes the wittiest comment gets the entire Godfather series. Or the Die Hard series. Old timers please do not lose heart. There are also some classic Hitchcocks. And those world war 2 movies like Where Eagles Dare and Guns of Navarone.

4. I could give away his precious Louis Vuitton bag to my maid
.
I mean why would any man own a bag that costs more than an air ticket to New York? Crazy. This is not a punishment, this is saving him from sheer embarrassment. He will thank me for it.

5. I could give away his ties to the kids.
They can tie the ends and make a skipping rope out of it. I know some of them are Ferragamos, but anything to keep my kids happy. They have been clamouring for a skipping rope for quite some time now.


6. I thought of tearing up all his thick Harvard Business Reviews and make paper boats out of them, but I could not see myself destroying books. So I let that idea pass. But I thought I could may be tear up his most precious possession, his IIT id card. That has any way become pretty yellow with old age.How is that one for revenge?

My pure and uncomplicated mind ran out of ideas after this one friends. So I am seeking help from you. Please let me know if you have any more innovative ideas.

I promise you I will be grateful to you for your precious suggestions. What's more, I will even give an award for this.

Whoever comes up with the best idea for my revenge, will get 6 original
Murano glass wine goblets that he bought from Venice. I am not telling you the price of these glasses if you are not sitting down. And to sweeten the deal, I will give away the 12 year old Johnnie Walker Black Label that he is saving for a special occasion.

Please let me know fast. He is coming back next week from the
phoren shores.

91 comments:

SJ said...

its 6am brain not working in full swing will come back later with idea(s)

Nona said...

I always knew it! I'm like Karna. I will never be able to use my skills when it is needed!

Been trying hard to come with a witty remark. Just for the Godfather DVDs. I couldn't! So, here I'm begging for the DVDs. Please have mercy on me!

Send me all his DVDs. You can send me the Blu-Rays too if you are sending me the Blue Ray player too!

Log on to HBR. Change the shipping address to my address. :)

I have already help you achieve two of the goals. Now, where are my wine glasses?

PS:
Louis Vuitton Bag!!! Isn't that a woman's brand?

Have mercy on the CDs and IIT ID card!

Sucharita Sarkar said...

This is quite lame, but maybe you could sell the car on e-bay, get a swanky bike instead, zip off to Powai, get a cute-IIT-chappie with a less-yellow looking ID card to tutor your daughter. Who knows, maybe it'll turn out to be a VERY good investment in the future? But do sit and watch like a strict chaperone, who knows with these flighty-IIT-types anyway? (Just look at your own husband, jetting off at awkward junctures).

Sucharita Sarkar said...

Does this qualify me for the Murano glassware? I am in Mumbai only, so your courier charges will be less than if you give them to Nona, who stays in Bangalore.

Milord, I rest my case.

Nu said...

Hahahaha, Aparna.. me and my hubby,both of us read this post and we laughed out loud..i mean real loud !

And at the end I know you,like a sweet forgiving wife, will let him go with all his goodies just like that :)

Loved your post !

Neha said...

Aparna, awesome post...the best, too good, fantabulous, u have the best blog i ve ever seen (these many praises are fine to win the award? I can praise u more..nvr lack words u see)...and why u wanna destroy those music cds? send them over, lemme be happy as well..n I dont mind movies too..

and btw, good luck for the studies..I knw u need it..:)

anamika said...

Why to do all these stuff and give trouble to your brain...When he come just dont let him in until he pledge to fulfills all his commitment..what say? ...i m crazy about lui vitton...so u know what i want now provided if u like my idea.:D but knowing how much yur husband spend on his taste i will start adoring my husband more from now on...he lives on food and some clothes that too which i buy for him and rest all is mine.

sujata said...

I know the best revenge!!! I want all the gifts that you are promising and more..ok!!! Ok here goes.GO HAVE THE STEAMIEST AFFAIR EVER!!! wine shine karo, smell the roses, eat some chaat, take some rides, most imp click some great shots and load them on the husbands lappy as screen savers!!! I am all excited about this..if you suceed I shall follow..always your little sister!!

stringOfPearls said...

:) LOL

Since the anger is probably temporary you should consider just making a mess of his CDs and ties. Get revenge but maybe a reversible one. :)

Swatantra said...

That's a cute post.. I think when he comes home next time you make sure that he teaches daughter for the net exams and they get the best marks.. and do send him a link for this post!!

Good luck for your daughter!!

Kavi said...

Awww man ! this seems to be some serious business. Now i am not so keen on the prizes...but i am worried about whats going to happen to him...who i thought was a good possession for you !

And suddenly i am very relieved. That i didnt get very far with my maths and physics.

And i guess this 'every action has its equal reaction' or something to that effect works well. Hmm. For you seem to be real hurt.

Nuke his CD collection. To sell the car. To dump the HBR...oh my oh my.. I am not letting my wife read any of this.

Nahi....!

unsungpsalm said...

Okay, umm... My mom stopped helping me with my studies when I was in the 2nd standard. My first tuitions were in 8th grade, when I went to practice my problems while a dear old lady watched over me. Then I took science tuitions for 3 months in 10th grade, and regular classes for Science and Math in +2.

I think I turned out okay. Your daughter should manage fine as well... Let her try and study on her own. Confine your role to ensuring that she spends enough time with her books.... not too much, not too less.

Also, bear in mind that 9th grade marks are as important as her 10th grade results... which is as important as tissue paper. Unless it's a source of inspiration and self-confidence for her, in which case it's far more important. But it's certainly not shaping her future.

As for what to do to your husband...
1. I never knew LV made bags for men! Don't throw it away... (send it to me)

Also, I don't think Ferragamos would make a nice skipping rope... here's an idea... Give all but the F's to the kids (Send the F's to me)

*Sujata
You shock me beyond all limits! Even my own!

wanderlust said...

Leave him with the kids once he is back, get yourself a holiday in a spa with a few of your closest friends, get pampered totally and charge the whole thing to him :-)
by the way, thanks for the ideas. i can use a few of them on my hubby ;-)

Jyothi said...

I know the feeling. Believe me...Nothing works...You will just end up feeling guilty about it afterwards.

On second thoughts, you could just put a pink dye into his shampoo bottle. Just the idea of seeing my husband with Pink Hair is revenge enough for me.

P.S : I am not too fond of winning things, but for you dear,anything. Do you need my address? :)

ZB said...

All the 6 ideas are the bestest ideas , Aparna. Cant rake my annulled mind further.

Save the LV bag, i have been hunting for one a long time.

And yes, LV makes a lot of stuff for men, including clothing, shoes, watches, perfumes and sunglasses. This piece of GK Courtesy,my neighborhood LV boutique which i cant stop peeping.I am a big FAN, for time being fake will do for me. TC, Nice post, your Husband will be PROUD of you reading this. :))

Niti said...

love your posts. witty stuff. don't harm him or his stuff though.your kids have 3 more years of comp science and physics to go..u mite need him then. :)

Aparna said...

Thank you people for your overwhelming support, I am touched.

@ SJ, you log on to my blog at 6am? arre wah,! Wondering what J says about it though. He might ask you to stay away from my blog from now on. Might think I will give you ideas.

@ Nona, you can take the damn system, it plays music, cds, dvds, blu-rays...it is multi-functional. Only thing it can not do is to serve coffee when he is watching Godfather for the 100th time.
But since aapke skills ne aapko dhoka de diya, i am wondering whether you deserve the DVDs. I have no issue with the HBRs though.
And Louis Vuitton also make bags for men. Check out their website.

@ Sucharita, your idea has some merit. I think I will combine your idea with sujata's and go for a young IITian myself. My daughter is still too small.
Why don't you come to my house when Sujata is also there? we will have some female bonding session and then you and sujata each can take 3 glasses.

@ Nu, thanks, but I think you still don't know me that well. I am capable of withholding my forgiveness.

@ Neha, Which one do you want? The Murano glasses have already gone to Sucharita and sujata. Johnnie Walker will do? I think I can spare you some CDs also.

@Anamika, the Loius Vuitton is all yours. It is not brand new though, chalega?

@ Suajat, kakimoni will never forgive me for planting such ideas into you impressionable mind. Your suggestion is too good and is really tempting. I need some help in selecting the right man. Come over in Mumbai?

@ String of pearls, what fun is revenge if it is reversible?

@ Swatantra, next exam suppose he goes away again?

@ Kavi, Please let your wife read this and ask her to contribute some ideas. I will be very happy.

@ Unsung, since when have you turned into a preacher? I am disappointed. I love Sujata's idea. I think I will go for it.And yes LV makes a lot of things for men. And ok, the Ferragamos are yours.

@ wanderlust, Your idea is super cool. I am loving it. Heard Ananda spa is pretty good.

@ Jyothi, your suggestion is priceless. Wonder why I did not think of it. Please let me know your address. The CDs are yours. If not you, your son will surely enjoy them.

@ ZB. thank you for your show of support. The LV is already taken I think. This is what happens if you come late to my post, anything else?

Meira said...

Simple. Just mail him this post. Rest assured, the trip will be canceled. Or you might also be invited along. That is better still.In which case you can go sight seeing in a foreign land, and husband can juggle work and physics.
Now for the JOhnie Walker please:P

Gayathri said...

i'm still a kid,..so no ideas in this regard :D..though i would second sujata's idea..would make him jealous :D..

Smita said...

ha ha ha....

Why do u need more ideas? These are some of the most wonderful and ruthless ideas that I have read in recent times :D

Are you planning to show this post to him?? Please do!!! One of the most innovative revenge tareeka's :D

SJ said...

I am back and J doesn't know I log on at 6 thats no worry. Anyway getting back to your problem, you see its not wise to take any revenge now. Revenge is sweeter when careful planned and given with such a jatka that it should blow off the matka (thank u thank u). So, your daughter will be in class 10 next year its even more crucial class. So book your tickets to the US now. 3 days before her exams I shall email you saying the Akila Videshi Blog Samaj of US of A(AVBSU) (consisting of Sakshi and me) is honoring you with the prestigious- Bloggmy (this is the Grammy/Emmy equivalent of Blog world). And Obama himself will be presenting the award (when lying use the biggest personalities possible). So you come here and have a gala time with Sakshi and me. We can develop fake photos etc..its pretty easy with Photoshop. Whereas Uncleji has to not only slog with Ishita's exam's preparation but also take care of the household chores. Howzzit??

ehh if this is too much just have an affair like Sujata suggested.

Tomz said...

well..I believe that your husband doesn't follow ur blogs...or. .. well.. am I much mistaken..?..it could have been the other way round..whether he is an ardent admirer and regular follower of ur blogs..? I cant figure it out..u say..

Mustaf said...

Aparna,

Even though I think all the awards are gone, here are my little advice.

Just ask your husband to teach her Env Sciene & Political Science for 2 days . I read something brief in Env Science or something similar during my engineering, and I know what a pain in the *** are those subjects,specially for people coming from scienece b/g!! I can gurantee, he will be ready to do anything to get rid of this, you can even get your spa and everything else you want as per that deal :P

Anonymous said...

Ask him to tutor Political Science, Environmental Science and Biology. Throw in some history and geography too. That should be hard enough for an IIT'ian.

kavita said...

Make him watch SAWARIYA by S.L.B. ...or try PREM-AGAN(Fardin khan(who?)...

Mustaf said...

What a coincidence!!! I dont know who this anonymous is, but look at the suggestion, Bingo!! & also look at the timing both comments posted @8.18pm!!

You remember that GOD in my post :P, it is Him who is signalling that this is the right suggestion :D

Smitha said...

Goodness! That was the funniest post I read in a while!

You have such wonderful ideas already! I ought to come to you for tuitions ;)

If it were my husband, giving away the CDs and the DVDs would be revenge enough :)

Emailing him this post should be enough. He would have nightmares about his prized possessions getting distributed around and will be back in a jiffy :)

ani_aset said...

whoaa how could he leave you like this in tough times :O

arent there enough education material available waise ;) to get your daughter to score some goodie marks :D...why dont you meet the teacher??

Aaah i digress...can we demand prizes here (Godfather series pleeez) :D

Hey how about a nice billboard Ad all from his credit card, for a good physics teacher :D
*i'm waiting eagerly for my prize*

AnjuGandhi said...

v.v.very bad on your husband's part to leave you like this
now as there is no alternative
take it +ively ( may be he wanted you to gain the confidence and become independent, hahahhahah) just teach him a lesson, show him that he is not indispensible
deal with your children's problems on your own and come out as winner
i am sure that would be the best vengeance.

eye-in-sty-in said...

Give the LV to the maid - she can show it to him everyday when she comes to your house in his car while listening to Led Zepplin!
OR
send the daughter to where he is... you can then go treat yourself to a spa after ur done with some shopping in ur spare time... while he works and takes care of her math and science...

Hilarious post !! :-)

R. Ramesh said...

the poor guy is doing for u all..and there is no sympathy for him.what a world v live in? anywy..u r my friend..i have to support u..what do i do..dunno.utterly confused..confusion confounded..

P said...

hell hath no fury like a woman made to learn and teach physics! :P

but to tell u the truth I think you are losing out on a golden opportunity here! Right now you are the "wronged" spouse! Do not hit back and hand over the title!!

Instead plain old "ignorance" will do the trick! Hell you might be able to wheedle out something cool for yourself in the bargain!! Guilt can be an awesome motivator...besides you will end up doing physics.. might as well get remuneration!!! :P

Spike said...

You have been tagged http://spikeville.wordpress.com/2009/08/24/tagged/

Nazish Rahman said...

Lol...award from u and what about the punch that your husband will give to the person who gave u those ideas...lol!!!
Yours awards are dam risky...lol!!!
This post helps me to arrive at a point that a wife should be good in science....otherwise u n your things could b in trouble...lolz!!!

Ms. Neha Gandhi said...

ohh my Goddd.... i must not say this...but i think I l*** ur husband...he has a LV bag and feraggamo ties...
ohhh i am such a sucker for brands... are u too into brands...
wonder how amused ur husband will be on reading this post...
aparna...u write so well...i love ur posts :)

Anrosh said...

the faculty at IIT- bombay is on strike. so you are left with a brood of students who is lukha - You are Just in time. They will be happy to teach in exchange for grub.

SG said...

Nice post. I have a suggestion. Take a billboard advertisement in a prominent place in Mumbai where thousands can see that and send the following message:

Hi Dxxxxx

Do I have your attention now?

I want entire Mumbai to know about your ultimate betrayal. Running away from home, under the pretext of business, to avoid coaching our kid during the exam time.

Your wife,

Aparna

PS: I paid for this billboard through your company credit card, just to send a message to your company also.
********************
I was in Venice in June of this year and did not buy the Murano glass wine goblets. I love Merlot.

bluebird said...

My My!! There's no stopping a woman if she is angry, is there!

Just reading the suggestions made me vow never to do this to my (future) wife. I understand the stakes are too high. For all I know, she might set fire to the house, if she's got your temperament.

By the way, just show the blog to your husband. Am sure he will resign his assignment and run home.

You see, we value our CD collections and our gleaming motorcycles (or cars)far too much to put up with threats to their very safety.

Had a great laugh, Aparna, and scared the good heavens out of me.

Cheers

Gymnast said...

I dont remember my parents helping me with studies in class IX. I was fourteen then , and old enough to learn by myself.

I dont think Ishita's dad deserves a punishment at all!

Gymnast said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gymnast said...

I dont remember my parents helping me with studies in class IX. I was fourteen then , and old enough to learn by myself.

I dont think Ishita's dad deserves a punishment at all!

Babli said...

Very beautifully written and I liked it very much. I feel that this is one of your best post. Keep writing.

wishes galore said...

this is new age parenting..:)) since both of my parents were from non-science backgrounds I was left alone to deal with these subjects but i kinda love Maths!!:))

of all your fantabulous ideas, I will vote for No.3..so that one of the commentors like me;)) get the wine goblets and a prized DVD set..mow that would be called as 'win-win' stuation..revenge ka revenge, prize ka prize...hahaha..

Aparna said...

@ Niti, a lone voice of practicality! Good advice, I will keep it in mind.

@ Meira, the trip did not get cancelled and he has left. Sniff. Since there has been no other demand for the Johnnie Walker, you win it hands down.

@ Gayathri, I think after 17 years, husbands are beyond jealousy, but I might have fun with that affair!

@ Smita, hahaha, you think so? I am having fun here. Once my husband comes back I plan to show him the post. Seeing so many people supporting my efforts here is a pretty good revenge!

@ SJ, I kinda like that fake photo shoot opportunity with Obama. Seriously considering your suggestion.But instead of 3 days, can I go one month early? That should have more impact.
Since you don't want J to know about your early morning activity, does that mean you don't intend to show him this post? Shucks woman, I would have appreciated a few suggestions from a man as well.

@ Tomz, thanks...yes my husband does read my blog:) I am waiting for the fireworks:)

@ Mustaf, Never knew I would meet God in my blog! Wow! Your suggestion is pretty good. But I think instead of EVS, I will ask him to teach Hindi. That will depress him!

@ Anonymous. excellent suggestion, but i wish you had left your name after your comment.

@ Kavita, you win all the prizes. If there is any bollywood personality that my husband abhors, then it is Ranbir Kapoor! And Fardeen Khan is only a tiny step behind. So this is the best idea so far I think.

@ Smitha, my husband is extremely possessive about his DVDs and CDs, I think car comes second. Please come for tutions, I have more remarkable ideas.

@ Ani, all prizes have been taken. You were late. Sigh. But the billboard idea is fantastic. SG also came up with a similar idea. I think I need to start thinking on those lines.

@ Anju, thank you kind lady for showing mercy on my husband. Your words never fail to inspire me.

@ Eye-in-sty-in, why should I give the car to the maid? I am selling it. She can have the bag. And if I send daughter with him, she will miss her exams. Uff, all these problems, I seriously need a good spa.

@ Ramesh, yeah yeah, go ahead and sympathise with him. You husbands all love to stick together.

@ P, you said it girl! But learning physics at this stage is a rather daunting task!

@ Nazish, haha, you play safe and marry an engineer!

@ Neha, thanks. My husband is not really brand conscious, but certain branded things have ended up in his possession.

@ Anrosh, now that's a good idea...physics and computers for some home made biryani and parathas!

@ SG, wow lady! Were you ever a copy writer? You said the exact words! Your idea is excellent and I am thinking along those lines. Wasn't Venice charming? We were there in May.

@ Bluebird,men and their obsession with wheels! And CDs! Glad I made you laugh.

@ Gymnast, my daughter does need help once in a while, and yes both my husband and I take a lot of interest in her school work. We don't push her, just let her know that help is available if she needs it. After all where else will a child go if not to her parents when she requires help?
You don't think my husband requires any punishment? Awww shucks.

@ Babli, thanks.

@ Wishes galore. All the prizes have been taken. Sigh. May be I should have added a few more of his things. Well, there's always a next time!

SG said...

Thanks for your complements Aparna. I should have introduced myself properly. I am a gentleman with a wife and 2 kids. We live in the San Francisco Bay Area.

ZB said...

I just didnt want to repeat my sentence every time. And stating something obvious is under-stating it. You are one of the few who could write a book. You Rock lady :)

Deeps said...

Goodness,Aparna..I skipped a beat right after reading your first line!

Ok my advice would be to just book a holiday for yourself,just yourself and leave the father and the kids home!oh and yes dont forget to install a hidden-camera,ok??

but know what,I already know who's going to claim that Murano wine glasses..yep!its Sujata..she has given a killer idea!

Deeps said...

and SJ,you're not alone at sneaking in at 6am and your husband zzzzzing away to glory,totally unaware of your indulgence :D !!

Zeba said...

Ohh god. u have come up with awesome sutff so i dont really think u need ideas!!! hehe. but this is pure evil. I am loving it. let me know how it works out!

Ranu said...

hey Aparna
First time comment on your blog.

Lovely post and even lovely ideas!!!

I think you covered all of it but if it was my hubs in question I would probably go for his shoes!!! He loves them and since he is a total foodie I could get the worst cook in the universe to cook for him for a week and maybe use his credit card to get an equally shining car!!!

What say you???

Lincoln said...

thats a funny post :) ,

My suggestion, hide tv remote for 2 days and see the result :)

BK Chowla said...

Please do not do anything to his CDs.He needs punishment when he returns,you decide what punishment should be given.

Aparna said...

@ SG, sorry, honest mistake! Did not mean any offence, probably did not scrutinise your profile page as I minutely as I should have done. But everything else I said was true. Thanks for the clarification and indeed I am sorry about this mini blunder.

@ ZB, I am sulking still.

@ Deeps, hahaha what did you think the ultimate betrayal was? I love Sujata's idea, I think it's a blast.

@ Zeba, I am an evil woman...so beware!

@ Ranu, welcome to my blog. My husband also appreciates his food, so the cook idea is not bad. Lets see what I can do.

@ Lincoln, hmmm, the TV remote certainly can be a secret weapon. Will try once he is back.

@ BK Chowla, why not the CDs? He s rather fond of them. May be instead of destroying them, I can give them away to friends.

Suchismita said...

Hey Aparna,Just give away the Murano glasses and the black label. Nothing to drink and nothing to drink it in..so to say..

so how is the coaching going??

Sandhya said...

Is the poor guy back?!!

R. Ramesh said...

thanks ya

The Panorama said...

Really nice post...He better return with a big gift:) Hope you cool down soon. Cheers:)

blunt edges said...

NOOOO...u do anythhing...but never destroy a pink floyd!!! that's a crime...ok maybe i should shout it out...ITS A CRIME!!!!

i like ur humor...n i really cant get my evil mind on track (the die hard series n black label r kinda blinding me!!!) ;)

♥[h]♥ said...

Aparna I ♥ your blog! You are hilarious. I vote for #4!

avdi said...

No no - Dont spoil your microwave.

Smear the car seat with itching powder and send him on a long drive.

Treat his ties with mild acid - so that they fall apart when he is in middle of a meeting.

Put a nail in his bag so it tears when he is carrying it.

Lightly scratch some of the cds (his most precious) so they dont play any more.

See - do things like that and he wont even know it was you. Maybe you can then suggest that he brought it all upon himself as bad karma for having neglected his daughter's studies.

WHERES MY GIFT !!!!

P. Venugopal said...

Your last line had me hooked. So, I'm throwing my hat in the ring. What about having him read my poems, day after day, for, say, seven days (let us not be too mean) at a stretch.

P.S. You are brilliant.

shankar.n said...

Some of the options that i suggest you are

1) Write 'I wont go anywhere leaving you'.. kinda messages in all his shirts.. with permanent marker

2) Instead of selling the car, put mud in the carburetor and let him get stuck in the traffic... and once he returns tell him that.. these happen when the car is not being used frequently.. so, be here and use this daily.

3) Overwrite all his CDs/DVDs with 'i wont go anywhere .....' chantings, play it in player and lock the player in a cupboard.

4) Replace his mobile ringtones/ laptop wallpaper with similar messages.

More to follow soon

Sumandebray said...

a ha... vengeance thy name is women!
He must be smiling away reading your post.... you are threatening to detach him of such belongings which could be replaced in a matter of days if not hours...
Think harder and think beyond what you see in front of you….
Waise Sujata ke idea bura nahi hain! … par jano do iss bar! After all he is only gone for a few days and the board exams are still away. Now if he comes back empty handed … you might have to start thinking all over again!
Good post!

R. Ramesh said...

my friend..go to layout, and then add a gadget and you get the fish...there v also have an option yar to change the colour..best wishes

nsiyer said...

Forgive him. He is the husband you chose because you liked certain parts of him. This part of his you dont seem to like. He came to you as a package. Hence you have accept him totally.

Sakshi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sakshi said...

Shucks I should shoot myself as I feel like a Kabadi woman coming in the end to clean up the remaining kachra left by these looters. Anything still left? Is the laptop urs or his?

I totally love Sujata's idea...and of course SJ's too so lets put the two ideas into action together. You bring the young guy along with the LV bag and the all your husband's collection to USA. I will photograph both of you (making a point to focus on him holding the LV bag) having fun in the streets of Boston, maybe you guys can be shown in one shot drinking that precious Johnnie Boy in the Murano glasses??? Wow you guys cuddling and watching Godfather....My photographer mind is clicking mad and am sure SJ will help us out with more ideas. I can already hear your husband singing Tadap tadap ke is dil se....aisa kya guna kiya...ki lut gaye....

Btw before you return back to India you can gift me the DVD collection as I can bribe my husband with those whenever I need extra time for blog hopping.

Miss M said...

OOO I have Murano glass earrings! :) Bought them when we had gone to Italy. :)

I say you give away the Johnnie Walker bottle to someone! We all know what alcohol means to a man. Especially a bottle that he has been saving for so many years!

Aparna said...

Hi everybody, sorry to reply to your comments late. As you all must have guessed, have been a little busy with my daughter's exams here.

@ Suchismita, the coaching has been pretty ok so far, thank God.

@ Panorama, I am cool as a cucumber.

@ Blunt edges, Ok I wont destroy the Pink Floyds,but what about Guns and Roses?

@ [h]Thanks for you vote:)

@ Avdi, I relly like the idea of putting acid on the ties. Unfortunately I have run out of the gifts...let me see if I can find something of his that is valuable.

@ P.Venugopal, I won't really term reading your poetry as punishment, may be I should try Milton?

@ Shankar, hi, where were you? Mud in the carburetor? That idea definitely has some merit.But recording 'I won't go anywhere without you 'on 323 CDs? When will I have time to teach my daughter?

@ Suman,if he comes empty handed, he is not getting in...and you are right, may be I should look beyond all this and think of something else...Sujata did give me a fine idea!

@ Ramesh, thanks for your help.

@ Nsiyer, You think I should let this go? hmm...lets see what he brings me from his trip. I am becoming a little mercenary these days.

@ Sakshi, see what happens when you come to my blog late...all the goodies are gone.
I think I will make that trip pretty soon. I have already appointed you as my official photographer. And cootchie cooing while watching Godfather is lovely. I have already started imagining the various poses that I will strike with that dude.What pleasure. Will book my tickets and let you know soon.

@ Miss M, Johnnie boy has gone to the highest bidder. Isn't revenge sweet?

shankar.n said...

Aparna.. so.. all the gifts being distributed??? :(

lostworld said...

Hi Aparna .. I was bloghopping & came across yours. Loved it! :) This was really funny.

Also I must say thanks.. I'm new to blogging & did not know how to add an award to my blog-page. I followed your instructions and viola! It was done.

Cheers!! I'll be back to read your other posts.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

you could just ship the blu-rays to me...I'll make sure he never gets them back! Promise!!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

God! I was re-reading your post and your husband really collects some rad stuff, huh?! Better confiscate his credit card...I think THAT would be the ultimate torture!!

Apanatva said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Apanatva said...

I wanted to leave my comment after you cool down little. these so called phoren tours are not fun tours.The morning starts with meetings ends with meetings.so many times they skip lunch bkz they don't have time. It is allways work ,work and work All the best for Ishita .The best way of learning is self learning .Don't you want children to be independent ?

Renu said...

awesome post Aparna ! you really rock,I just love your writing>

Imagination said...

This is too good Aparna.. I really love your writing style. I am honestly an admirer.
Have read them before as well....!

Thanks for visiting mine as well.

Shanu said...

Whoa..havent read the post. But saw ur profile pic..and ur post strtd with "My daughter is in class IX now" and I was like.."Wow iski twacha se iski umar ka pata hi nahi chalta"
So I had to stop and compliment u.

Ok that done..i shall go read the post :)

Parita said...

Whoa aparna..you truly are a rockstar dear..m so sorry for not able to read it earlier and m kicking myself for it..those are some of most fantastic ideas ever...:) i may need them in future..lol..:)
I would say go with sujata's idea or better make your hubby have an affair..i believe he will feel guilty everytime and bring lovely presents for you too and m sure he wont ever leave u alone in this situation again.:)

Onkar said...

You write so well. It is always a great experience reading your writings.

The abstract scientist said...

Yours must be one brand conscious family. Very funny write up!

Nikki said...

Hahahahahahhahahahaha...selling his car on e-bay would do the trick I think!

My dad can't bear anything happening to his car so I guess this would work!

:)

praddy said...

lol..lol been laughing at all the possibilities..too funny..haha..made my Sunday.

All the best for your daughter's exam :)

Manish Raj said...

You girls are really mad...Aparna -you must NOT do any of those...

Learn Physics yaar...for God sake it is simpler than political science...

Aparna said...

Thanks every body for writing in...

@ Shankar, unfortunately the goodies flew off the shelves pretty fast :D

@ Lostworld, thanks for reading and I am glad I could be of assistance!

@ Roshni, Blu-rays are gone, sorry:( My husband is not really a collector, things just happen to find their way to him!

@ Apnatva Actually I was not angry, this was all a big joke, but inspite of all his work, he does find time to eat, and see the place. he loves travelling and eating local food.

@ Renu thanks:)

@ Imagination thank you.

@ Shanu thanks, I crossed 40 last year.

@ Parita,glad my ideas entertained you. I am going to charge you fees if you use any of them. I love Sujata's ideas myself!

@ Onkar thank you.

@ Abstarct scientist we are not...but this post made me realise that we do have some good things at home.

@ Nikki the car is a history, he will have to walk to office.

@ Praddy, thank you:D

@ Manish, Pol. Sc is easier??? What rubbish. Try learning Archimedes'Principle at 40. I would rather tackle Jaswant Advani conflict.

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BrownPhantom said...

Whatever you do, don't touch that ID card.
A recoverable harm would be to mis-lable all his CD & DvDs :).

Kishore Choudhary said...

मैंने आने में देर कर दी
फिर भी आप अगर सुजाता जी के सुझाव पर विचार ना कर रहीं हों तो चेरिटी के लिए मैं भी उपयुक्त पात्र हूँ
पोस्ट बहुत सुंदर है, ज़िन्दगी शायद इतनी ही खूबसूरत होती है. मिर्जा ग़ालिब के पास भी कमोबेश कुछ ऐसा ही सामान था हाँ सदी अलग थी इसलिए चीज़ों की पहचान अलग थी.

Meghana Naidu said...

oh entertaining as hell!

i almost screamed out loud when u threatened to 'nuke the cds' i would definitely have a nervous breakdown if that happened to any of mine :O

Jaya said...

Hi,
Aparna,
came here from Sharmila's blog Kichu-Khon..and i am having a good laugh reading this post :) ..thanks for that!! ...oh! well i can imagine myself in your place after few years from now, another great phoren traveller resides with me..and what use of study when they dont help you out in kid's homework etc...
never mind..i am sure your daughter is as intelligent as her parents and she will come out with flying colours in exams...encourage her to do her work independently , may be it will help her in tackling things in life ahead ....
anyways it was a nice read and keep it up ..so can you pass me some goodies now!!
hugs and smiles

The Survivor said...

That was one wicked thought :)

Did anybody win the award?

Why not send the daughter to classes/tuition for those subjects?

Enjoyed reading this post.