Maa on Facebook

"This is Hema? The last time I saw her, she was in pigtails. Now she has a daughter who is that big!"

"Yes. And this is Shukla aunty, who still looks the same."
"Who is this?"
"Don't you remember? The Gaurs on the 4th floor? This is the daughter Ritu."
"How did you get the pictures?"
"Ma, this is Facebook.  It is a social networking site. I found a lot of my old friends here. They keep uploading their pictures. And we exchange notes and greetings."
"How did you manage to locate all these people after so many years?"
"My friends found me through friends search."
"Our times were different, we had to send letters. And if the addresses got lost then that was the end of our friendship. Who are all these men?"
"Don't you remember my friends Dheeraj, Aziz and Ajay?"
"Of course I do, they were very sweet boys.This is Ajay? He looks like a panditji."
"That is because he is a panditji now. Well, almost. He has become very spiritual."
"Has he stopped painting? He was so talented."
"No, he still paints. Only, he paints pictures of gods and goddesses. Want to see some of his paintings? He has uploaded some of them here also."
"How come there are so many men here?"
"These are all my friends, ma."
"You have so many male friends? Does your husband know?"
"C'mon ma, I am an adult now. I can have male friends you know."
"Hmmph. This is beyond me, all these men and you. Is your brother also on Facebook?"
"Yes he is, but he is not my friend."
"What? You and your brother are not friends? Is that how I raised you? You do not want to be friends with your own brother?"
"Ma, he is not my Facebook friend. I don't want him here snooping on me. Moreover, if he has not sent me a friend request, it means he also does not want me as a friend."
"This is completely outrageous. I hope your husband is there in your friends list."
"Yes is, but he is not very active."
"What else do you expect? He is a very busy man. He will not spend time on such frivolous activities."
"Facebook is not a frivolous activity. A lot of very busy people are there on Facebook. It helps us to reconnect with all our old friends. It is just that your son in law is not the friendliest of person and does not have many friends. Hence he is never there."
"And what is this red heart doing on your page? It says you have a relationship request pending."
"D sent me a request to be my spouse on Facebook. I did not accept, so it is still pending."
"But he is your spouse. Why did you not accept?"
"I don't want him as my spouse here, OK?"
"This is totally beyond me. You and your strange ways. He is your husband, whether you accept him on Facebook or not. And what does Akhila mean here? Her relationship status reads as 'It's complicated.'
"It means that she is recovering from her divorce and is currently seeing someone.''
"O my god, when did this happen? She was such a sweet girl. I always knew her husband was a moron. How much time do you spend on this Facebook?"
"Not much ma, just log in to tell my friends what I am doing at the moment. Drinking coffee at the Barista, at home teaching the kids, like that."
"Who will be interested in knowing all that?"
"All my friends. They also keep updating, so I know about them too."
"Can anybody open up a page on Facebook?"
"It is called opening up an account  and yes, everybody can."
" Is Vikram on Facebook?"
"Who Vikram?"
"You know, Mrs. Usha Reddy's son? They were on the 6th floor. remember?"
"Oh yes, I remember. She used to send us yummy tamarind rice. I don't know, why?"
"She once taught me to make mango thokku pickle. I forgot the ingredients. If her son is there, then may be you can ask him to be your friend. And then may be two of us could connect after all those years. She was such a fabulous cook, she made lovely chutneys and stuff. And she did ask me once how I knitted those cable sweaters. May be we can be friends on Facebook and share our stuff. Hey, if you are in touch with Mrs. Sharma's daughter, can you then tell her to make an account for her mom too? And remember Mrs Balakrishnan?...."

 November and December are busy months for me. This is what my daughter Ayushi calls the 'guesting season'. As you have guessed, my parents are already here. I am also expecting my friend and her mother from USA, my cousin and her family from Muscat, my brother and his family from Kolkata. So I will be blogging sporadically till December. I will however keep reading all my favourite bloggers. So you keep blogging. Till then, bye....

Friends in the times of facebook

In my early school years I was almost an outsider- watching other kids play. Having spent my first few formative years in Muscat, I was not aware of the games children played in India. I watched on most of the time while they played all the usual games of our childhood.
As times passed and I grew more comfortable with my surrounding I made friends more easily. In the '80s when there was not much T.V, no internet and hardly any contact with the rest of the world, my friends filled a part of me that I now know was void. They made me whole and enriched my life in so many different ways.

The world of a child in the '80s was like a dream. We played. We laughed. We ran barefoot in our neighbourhood and the parents never told us it was ill-mannered to barge into our friends' house at any given time. We played stupid games, watched the Sunday evening movies together and broke into meaningless laughter without any provocation or reason. Every morning we would eagerly wait for the school bus to take us to school so that we could meet our classmates. And we would be equally eager to go back home to we meet our friends in the neighbourhood. Life was a continuous cycle of fun and frolic. When the school broke for summer, we went to our home towns with our parents to visit our grandparents, to Kolkata, Lucknow, Bangalore... We would write letters to each other during the break and look forward to joining them again two months later.

College was different. We had learned to be more responsible. So life was no longer just a game. It was also going to the college canteen, (we responsibly split our expenses) bunking lectures, (one person was appointed to be the responsible one who would industriously take down notes for all of us) and going for movies. We would responsibly carry our ID cards so that we could sneak in to see an adults only movie even when we were below 18. Throughout my college years, my friends formed a support system . They helped when I missed lectures, accompanied me when I had to go to distant libraries or any other places for any work and gave me courage to face the world when my heart was broken. We would call each other at odd time and just talk for hours.

Every thing changed when we started working. Financial independence gave us that extra confidence but we also learned the key words that later helped us to navigate our lives better. Team work, deadlines and intercommunication skills. Coming from diverse backgrounds we slowly learned to depend on each other, have faith in each others abilities and give each other enough space to bloom. No more barging in unannounced. At work with my friends I learned to work hard and party harder. I had my first drinks with them, and learned for the first time to live my life away from my parents. Truly coming of age moments. There was still no internet and cell phones. At least not in India. My friends still communicated over phones.
Now, after so many years, when I started to track down my old friends, I discovered a totally new world. In the times of internet, friendship has taken a new status. So now I know every minute as I follow them on twitter or facebook what they are doing at that precise moment. I know when they have a showdown with their kids, when they feel overwhelmed at work and when they simply feel bored. My friends who are now in distant lands like Melbourne or Washington or Hongkong, know what my home looks like or what interest my children even without coming to my house. The social networking sites have completely changed my idea of a friendship. I love it and can not get enough of it. I comment on their photographs, join their fan clubs and take part in their quizzes. Though, sometimes, just sometimes, when I am a little sad and need a bit of encouragement, I miss the days I could just drop into my friend's house for a cup of tea and a little chat. I wish we were still living close to each other or meeting every day at work. No amount of status updates can ever replace a warm hug and a friendly laughter when you are down.

At least not for me.