Car Trouble

The shining, gleaming car has landed me into big trouble.

Two days back, this innocent looking guy in the super market asked me a rather innocent question. " Which car do you drive?"  Since then my life has been miserable.

"How could you insult my car like that?"
"But he asked me so suddenly. And all I could remember at that time was Maruti Esteem and Ford Ikon. Since I knew it was not an Esteem, I did the next best thing and I said we drove a Ford Ikon."
"I have never driven a Ford Ikon"
" But what's wrong with it? It is a car right? I forgot the name of the car you drive"
"How could you forget?"
"Oh for heaven's sake...you are acting as if I forgot the name of one of the girls"
"It's worse. An Ikon? How could you call my car names?"

I learned to drive when I was still in college. At the risk of sounding immodest, I drove rather well. There was a time I could actually drive better than him, but that was before he turned into an ogre and refused to let me sit behind the wheels.

" You jumped a signal for heaven's sake. Didn't you see the big red light?"
" Of course I did. I didn't see any hawaldar. So I jumped."
" What if he was hiding behind a tree?"
" Then I would have said' I am sorry officer' and batted my eye-lashes at him."

And that was the end of my driving days.

I had also been accused of being blind as a bat. All because I was trying to get into the wrong car.

"You almost got into the wrong car with the wrong man. Again."
" But it looked so similar."
" How can you say that? It was a different model. And moreover it was golden and not silver."
" The model was different? Really? It  looked the same. And gold, silver, bronze...the metals are almost the same, right?"
"So in that case why don't you exchange all your precious gold jewellery with some silver ones?"

 That kind of shut me up. For a little while.

"You let the kids eat pop-corn and Pepsi sitting there? Now look what happened to the leather."
" Stop being so fussy. It kept them quiet. Other wise we would have heard 'we are bored' every 5 minutes''
'' Eating and drinking here are a strict no-no. They have to learn that"
''OK Mr fuss pot. The girls will try to remember the next time. Now can we drive?"

So that shut him up. For all the way.

I love long drives. I enjoy the feeling of power every time I get behind the steering wheel. I love cars for the freedom that they bring. But I do not get emotionally involved with them. My husband  on the contrary probably has a name for his precious car. He also probably kisses it 'Good morning' and 'Good night' every day.

" This is just a set of wheels with a tin body."
" Are you mad? This is more than a set of wheels with a tin body. Look inside the engine to learn about the car"
" Don't tell me you judge women by looking inside their minds"
"Are you accusing me of being shallow now? Of course I look into their minds. I did not marry you for your tin body."

The arguments continue.

Over these seventeen years of marriage, there have been quite a number of cars, starting with a second hand Fiat. There have been words exchanged over all of them. But this time was apparently a blunder. My husband feels I have severely insulted his pride and joy by calling it an Ikon. He feels I have hurt the car's feelings and he is threatening me with dire consequences if I do not apologize to his car.

Over my dead body.

Oh, before you people fill up my comment box in support of my husband, let me tell you another thing. He once seriously considered buying a Merc over a flat in Bombay. Now who is the crazy one in the relationship?

Whatchamacallit

I am losing it. Slowly I am losing that ability to remember a particular name, a place or a word at the right time.

Yesterday we were having a a heated discussion with the society secretary about BMC's proposal to introduce a hawkers' zone in our area. Right at the most opportune moment , exactly when it was my turn to address the issue, I forgot the term 'hawker'. So here I was nudging my husband...

Me _"What do you call those people who sell their wares ?''

My husband - Shop keepers?

Me - No, no. You know those who line up on the streets and display their stuff ? And then sell them?

Husband - "Hookers?"

How did you think I reacted?

I was enraged.

All this while the secretary was watching us like a hawk. And then it struck me.

That's right...hawkers. And thank god the heated discussion continued on the right line after that.

It keeps happening all the time. I address my elder daughter by my younger one's name. She gets mad ." Mom, I am not Ayushi."

I feel guilty. "Sorry baby, It was just a slip of the tongue."

To avoid such situations from happening again, I now call her 'baby'. Whew. Motherhood is tough on a forgetful mind.

It is not just the names. I also forget incidents. Like once my sister in law, who is a very keen observer of women's dresses, asked me " Do you remember the diamond set the bride was wearing ?" Squirming I said "Yeahhhh! Was n't that gorgeous?" All the while trying desperately to remember did we actually attend a wedding together???

Then there are those incidences with the purse. I keep losing it. Just when the milk man or the presswallah comes for payment, I have trouble recalling where I kept it last. So then begin my efforts to involve the children in hunting for my elusive purse. It starts with a request, "Will you please look for my purse"? Then it becomes a threat. "Look for it or else no T.V." and ultimately turns into a bribe. "The one who finds it first gets Rs 50 from it." I am so bad at this motherhood thing.

And then there are those annoying dates. The birthdays and the anniversaries. Dates of the parent teacher meetings. Arrival or departure dates of those numerous people who come to my house. The date of the distribution of school uniform. I started making notes in my cell phone, but could not find the blasted thing when it rang. I forgot where I kept it.

I confess, initially I used to be rather worried about the state of my mind, but now I have sort of calmed myself down. If ever my mind becomes totally empty, devoid of anything substantial, my husband and my children would have to deal with it, not I. I will be in a blissful state. Imagine what a relief it will be not to remember who is coming to my house that day and what is his favourite food.

So now that I have established that losing my, er, you know, that thing...the faculty by which the human mind stores information , is not really my problem but my family's, I would like to ask you something... do you guys ever go through the same thing once in a while? This sudden loss of, you know...that word, that I vaguely remember starts with an 'm'? Let me know. I will be glad if I am not the only one with this whatchamacallit....