Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Car Trouble

The shining, gleaming car has landed me into big trouble.

Two days back, this innocent looking guy in the super market asked me a rather innocent question. " Which car do you drive?"  Since then my life has been miserable.

"How could you insult my car like that?"
"But he asked me so suddenly. And all I could remember at that time was Maruti Esteem and Ford Ikon. Since I knew it was not an Esteem, I did the next best thing and I said we drove a Ford Ikon."
"I have never driven a Ford Ikon"
" But what's wrong with it? It is a car right? I forgot the name of the car you drive"
"How could you forget?"
"Oh for heaven's sake...you are acting as if I forgot the name of one of the girls"
"It's worse. An Ikon? How could you call my car names?"

I learned to drive when I was still in college. At the risk of sounding immodest, I drove rather well. There was a time I could actually drive better than him, but that was before he turned into an ogre and refused to let me sit behind the wheels.

" You jumped a signal for heaven's sake. Didn't you see the big red light?"
" Of course I did. I didn't see any hawaldar. So I jumped."
" What if he was hiding behind a tree?"
" Then I would have said' I am sorry officer' and batted my eye-lashes at him."

And that was the end of my driving days.

I had also been accused of being blind as a bat. All because I was trying to get into the wrong car.

"You almost got into the wrong car with the wrong man. Again."
" But it looked so similar."
" How can you say that? It was a different model. And moreover it was golden and not silver."
" The model was different? Really? It  looked the same. And gold, silver, bronze...the metals are almost the same, right?"
"So in that case why don't you exchange all your precious gold jewellery with some silver ones?"

 That kind of shut me up. For a little while.

"You let the kids eat pop-corn and Pepsi sitting there? Now look what happened to the leather."
" Stop being so fussy. It kept them quiet. Other wise we would have heard 'we are bored' every 5 minutes''
'' Eating and drinking here are a strict no-no. They have to learn that"
''OK Mr fuss pot. The girls will try to remember the next time. Now can we drive?"

So that shut him up. For all the way.

I love long drives. I enjoy the feeling of power every time I get behind the steering wheel. I love cars for the freedom that they bring. But I do not get emotionally involved with them. My husband  on the contrary probably has a name for his precious car. He also probably kisses it 'Good morning' and 'Good night' every day.

" This is just a set of wheels with a tin body."
" Are you mad? This is more than a set of wheels with a tin body. Look inside the engine to learn about the car"
" Don't tell me you judge women by looking inside their minds"
"Are you accusing me of being shallow now? Of course I look into their minds. I did not marry you for your tin body."

The arguments continue.

Over these seventeen years of marriage, there have been quite a number of cars, starting with a second hand Fiat. There have been words exchanged over all of them. But this time was apparently a blunder. My husband feels I have severely insulted his pride and joy by calling it an Ikon. He feels I have hurt the car's feelings and he is threatening me with dire consequences if I do not apologize to his car.

Over my dead body.

Oh, before you people fill up my comment box in support of my husband, let me tell you another thing. He once seriously considered buying a Merc over a flat in Bombay. Now who is the crazy one in the relationship?

53 comments:

Lincoln said...

he he a gud one:),

I support ur husband for sure, can't help :P ,

Destiny's child... said...

Merc over a flat? I am with you! :D
Thoroughly enjoyed the post...:)

Mustaf said...

Don't know about the opposite sex, but I think the male community would vouch for your husband:), may be little bit of discussion over the Merc thing, but the rest are sure winner :P

And Of course I look into their minds. I did not marry you for your tin body." I think it is time that the women come out of the myth and accept what WE, the men really look in a woman :D

Meira said...

Name Just for the car? Not for the mobile? every CD he owns? Every possession of his?:P

Swatantra said...

Cute post!! Men always like cars..

SJ said...

LOL!!! J gets upset if his car is scratched or something but not v intense love like this! Merc over a flat! I support u!

ZB said...

I support you, Merc over flat....neah....And i for a change dont like to drive..a car that is....but i love my Bullet machismo....I like to sit in the passengers seat and dream or listen to music....I am a bad driver....I too plan to buy my car in India soon...I bought a house for me, next is car, in 2010 that is.

Nu said...

In contrast to your anticipation that I will support you hubby: I won't ! I think you were quiet logical in all the pieces of conversations...

So I'm with you ! YAY !

Nikki said...

Hahahaha...I guess all men would feel insulted if you mismatched the model of their cars.

Nice one.

The Holy Lama said...

I know, I know...
Most women only have the valid license to drive a car and hardly get to drive unless they have acar of their own or the hubby dear is posted out of town. Over a period of time, the fighting spirit also wanes to be at the wheel.

Kavi said...

The three pointed stars portend oodles of pleasure that are best understood by the male kind !

:)

And something of that class to be called an Ikon..well...shall i say is uncharitable ! ;)

Akshay said...

Aparnadi, a good one up here. Thoroughly enjoyed the post...:D. I second Nikki here when she says that all men would feel insulted if you mismatched the model of their cars. Personally, I don't like to drive cars because I generally tend to fall sleepy while driving. For a change, I won't support Mr. Dasgupta on this matter because I think you as a whole were quite logical in all pieces of the conversations here...

Despite of being a boy and your belief that all men would be in support of Dada, I would like to say I am with you Didi... So, just relax and enjoy!!

sujata said...

I think I am a male mind..A merc over a flat anyday!! A porsche would be even better, I have names for all the glorious cars that are parked in my building, I just love them all!! I think here you would get full support from my man..he would want a flat instead of the merc anyday...shit we are all bunched up wrong!!

Aparna said...

HI Lincoln,I already knew there would a lot of male support trickling in for him. It is called guy bonding.

Destiny's child, thanks...a merc over a flat! It is highly abnormal.

Mustaf, may be it is about time I wrote about the myth, what do you say?

Meira, so far it is just the car and the talented home-theatre! Naming all gadgets? Thats a horror.

Swatantra, thank you :)

SJ, you don't have kids yet...so lets wait to see how he reacts to pepsi stains!

Hey ZB, good to know you prefer a flat to a car. I had to almost do a power point presentation to convince him about the merits of a property.

Hi Nu, YAY for your support:)

Nikki, he was not just insulted, he was hopping mad:)

Holy lama, you are absolutely right. I do not have the same passion about driving any more. I just get into the passenger seat and relax.

Kavi, he doesn't drive a Merc, yet. Though his car is nothing fancy and a lot of people drive this model the city, he perhaps considers it better than an Ikon!

Thanks Akshay, you are too sweet.So far it seems like I have the edge here!

Sujata, kabhi kisiko muqammal jahan nahi milta...think how boring it would be if you also thought like him. You would have ended up buying the whole Behala:D

Sakshi said...

Wah wah post..I mean at your arguements.

I almost hoped that you would state a cure for this car mania :(. Since I landed in USA, M was behind me telling to get a license and now that I finally got one he cribs and whines every time I get behind the wheels....grrrr. I would have understood if he said "watch where you are driving, look out for the signal etc etc" but "Don't grip the steering so harshly, shut the door softly, don't punch the buttons......"???????

It's not just his car that he is fond of..I told him get me a second hand dabba car and he said...what's the use...you will miss handle that too!!! I hope he doesn't push the Governor for a Car Violence Bill

Lolz at Sujata's comment!!

Jyothi said...

Hmmm...Merc over a flat! That sounds more like me. He he....I love cars too....I had been dreaming of buying a Maruti 800(That was the 'in' car then) with my own salary when I graduated from college.So I got my drivers license during my second year in college itself.That was in 1994....I finally got a car and started driving in Abu Dhabi in 2003...Sigh...
P.S : Hubby sleeps while I drive. :) So I guess I am a safe driver...

Smita said...

He is the crazy one!!! Of course!!!

Men can be so crazy about cars or rather anything with wheels I tell you!!!

And what difference does the make of the car make. You it's yours so naam waam jaane kaun sa mahaan kaam kar loge ;-)

Merc over flat?? Am totally with you!!!

kavita said...

Aparna ,i miss good old days when every car was called MOTOR-GARI.Life was so simple then...tehee!!We are in the same MOTOR-GARI sister.

Nazish Rahman said...

Nice post..enjoyed reading!!
One has to b careful specially when a woman is driving a car so i agree with your husband on this..lol!!

blunt edges said...

hahahaha...an easy read that had me smiling right through! :D

loved it :D

The Panorama said...

Ha ha ha hilarious post! Loved it. You know how men are with their cars...his car is the real "souten"...I feel you, sister:)

J P Joshi said...

Hilarious......"Men are surely from Mars and women from Venus". Yes, Merc over makaan is a little debatable though.

shankar.n said...

nice post and a nice and different topic of discussion.. in some cases i go with ur husband in remembering atleast the brand names (coz even my wife cant make out the brand of two wheeler that i drive and sometimes confuses the vehicle with others - inspite of being on it daily).... but, prefering a merc over a flat .. i would stand by you..

anyway, the arguments over the gold/silver thing and car vs bride thing is just too good.. gud use of words and presence of mind...

Antarman said...

Had a good laugh, but it convinced me that all men are same..
My H was so finicky about the interiors of the car that my children used to get really irritated, he wouldnt allow a single peck of anything ont he upholstery and all that:)

And he was so particular about everything that inspite of me learning driving two times, I could never muster up enough courage to drive:)

Tomz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
anishthomas said...

Merc over a flat in Bombay ..... ....you are not kidding ...aren't U? ...But i loved his spirit :) ...nyways good one :D

Tomz said...

In our place women drivers are a subject for us to laugh at. They drive in a difficult way at the traffic times and would make trouble for others. There was a lady near our office and there was a curve at the road in front of her house. Everyday she would drive her car and most often at the curve she would let her car drop at the canal beside the road. It was very funny.
Reading your post i think there are a lot of quotable quotes in a marital relationship.

Aparna said...

Sakshi, my sympathies. I would not mind a dabba of my own. I really find the Maruti 800 and Zen very convenient to drive.
Sujata has a few screws loose. Do not pay her any attention.

Jyothi, great going woman.Driving on the wide roads must be a pleasure, unlike in Bombay where there are more potholes than roads.

Smita, my sentiments exactly. As long as it takes me where I want to go, who cares whether it is a Merc or a Nano.

Kavita, those good old days! I remember the Amby and Fiat days with great fondness.

Nazish, women can be very good drivers. How many drunk or rash driving cases have you heard about women?

Blunt edges, thanks :)

Panorama, soutan?? Ha ha...thats funny.

JP Joshi, yes we are from two different planets I feel!

Shankar, isn't the Merc idea crazy? Although we do not think so, may be our arguments appear funny to others!

Antarman, I have stopped driving completely...who wants to mess with his car?

manju said...

Great post- very entertaining!

APARNA said...

Hmm...nice post...cars & guys...

Btw...what car is it???

Aparna.

PURN!MA said...

Merc over a flat NO-NO-NO-NO! so m with ya. BUT, " i dint marry you for ur tin bosy" was AWESOME. and all my votes go there. :)

amazingly funny post. and plz, no insulting cars. I love mine too. :)

PURN!MA said...

body*

Sandhya said...

Hey Aparna, I feel like copy-pasting the whole post and saying every line is hilarious! Cars always come first in men's lives!

I always feel happy after reading your posts about your argument with your poor husband! Both of you are lucky to have each other...god bless you, girl!

Sumandebray said...

I love both .... what a dilema
Not a great fan of merc but could happily manage with aq M320 if I could afford one as a second car

YOu have to admit .. car is a great company... nice one to sit and chat as well

Gymnast said...

car is just a thing to get you from point A to point B. I really dont understand why men get so emotional about it

Funny , these men with their warped priorities!

Thankfully,they have us to bring sanity into their lives!

But seriously, how can u forget the name of your car?

Sharmila said...

My hubby has absolutely no attachment to his dabba with four tyres ... I've sometimes doubted if he is even 'normal' ... your post just refreshed my doubts. ;-p
Call me insane ... but I'll fall for that Merc anyday. :-)

Sid said...

Just curious, but did you actually find out what model or make your husband's car is now?
Or is it still the 'Ikon or something'

Arch said...

I so totally understand this post...Merc over flat, TH would opt for it anyday..he is CRAZY about cars..I am never allowed to drive his, I have my own little one..I cannot figure brands / makes of cars, and once i just mentioned that I saw this 'big white car' standing outside, and had to hear a lecture for the next 30 mins about how could I say something like this (it isnt even his car), even our 4 year old (son) would know...yada yada yada...MEN !! CARS !! HELP !!

Aparna said...

Anishthomas, thanks:-)

Tomz, women can be very good drivers...I incidentally am one. Just because the make of a car is not important to me does not mean that I can not go around a curve. There are plenty of women drivers in the cities who drive exceptionally well if only you would care to look :D

Manju, thanks a lot :-)

Aparna, nothing fancy, YET :-)

Purnima, I strongly suspect that he made that statement only to win some applause from my blogger friends!

Sandhya, thanks a lot...we have become very good friends over the years and I guess it shows in our conversations.

Suman, nothing against a car Suman, but a Merc over a flat??? No way...

Gymnast, I honestly did for a moment...if only that guy gave me some time to recollect...this would not have happened.

Sharmila, you too???

Sid, actually it is Honda something...

Diwakar Sinha said...

hehe..good one..
I dont have much attachment to cars or flats..both for me fall under the use and throw catagory..which is normally not dont i know :)

scorpiogenius said...

Aparna, apologies... I raise ma hand for your hubby.. :)

btw, you didn't tell us which car landed you in trouble at the first incident.

and thinking of a Merc for a flat, ooy, thats a bit too far.

wanderlust said...

Your husband has an identical twin as far as cars are concerned here. He says very proudly his car looks exactly the same as it was when he bought it some years back and I mutter under my breath, 'you better thank me, if it is so with two kids, one who was around 3 when he bought it'. What bugs me the most is whenever we go on long drives he has this photo viewing session where he has his dear SUV in all possible angles and at all the beautiful locations, huh!

Nona said...

Accord and Ikon are two different things! Although apologizing to the car for the mistake is too much, but you still need to get it right. :p

Nazish Rahman said...

Lol...u hav a point too!!

Malar Gandhi said...

Ha ha ha, thats good to read.

Hashir Tufail said...

I think a Merc would have been a better idea :D

Lazyani said...

Hi Aparna, My first comment here.

I just do not understand why you prefer the flat over the Merc:)

Anyway, brilliantly portrayed. Will come back to your site for more.

R. Ramesh said...

hahah saroj said it welll: his car is the real "souten"...lol..My vote? naturally the poor husband..at least women have huge support..what about innocent husbands who love their cars..hehe

Onkar said...

Quite hilarious. My son is obsessed with cars and I could never understand this.

Aparna said...

Diwakar,both cars and flats under use and throw category?Interesting.

Scorpiogenius, nothing very fancy...a lot of people in Mumbai drive this model. It is an Accord.

Wanderlust, If our husbands are twins then we are soul sisters! I really understand the SUV photos...

Nona, I am not apologising. What is the big difference anyway?

Nazish,:-)

Malar, thanks.

Hashir, uh no, you think so too?

Lazyani, welcome to my space. And flat over a Merc anyday!

Ramesh, hehe, I knew you would say that.

Onkar, thank you. Your son and many other men I think!

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