The Cringe Factor

I am old fashioned. Horribly so.

I can not see a movie that has some steamy scenes with my 14 year old daughter. The other day, I saw a   movie highly recommended by a close friend. “Can we see this with Ishita?" I specifically remember asking. “Oh yes" was the reply.

 Within a few moments of the movie starting, the hero and the heroine were unabashedly romancing each other. I spent half the movie looking at the floor and the other half surreptitiously looking at my daughter. She was of course all wide eyed eagerness. I on the other hand was cringing and squirming on the seat. Apart from having the heroine in various states of undress, the movie also had some extremely violent scenes. I definitely did not think the movie was appropriate for a 14 year old. Angry, I questioned my friend's judgement. “What? You found it inappropriate? Have you seen the clothes girls wear on MTV? And have you seen how violent the cartoons are these days? Trust me; she did not see anything that she hasn't seen before."

May be, but I am the kind of a mother who left her 14 year old behind to see Love Aaj Kal. Hilarious but true What was the harm in watching a hero and heroine having a few flings before and after marriage? Living together is no big deal in today’s world. So why not watch it on screen? But while watching the movie, there were several moments I felt glad our daughter had not accompanied us.

Innocence is slowly being lost in our world these days as more and more children are growing up on American TV shows. And the internet is certainly not helping. In Mumbai at least, I see my daughter's classmates aping the film heroines and wearing tank tops and mini skirts. I hear the boys her age using words I did not even know existed in the English language. I know some of her friends write on Facebook that they are in a 'relationship'. I see that and I feel awkward. I do not know whether having an old fashioned mother helps or harms my child. But I grew up in a different world and it is tough to let your values go, even for the sake of your own children.

Few months back my daughter Ayushi, who was not yet 8 at that time, came back from school all excited.  "Mamma, I learned a new word today."

“Wow! That's great! What was the word?"

"Gay. Supriya learned that from Dostana. It means a man loving and kissing another man."

I cringed.

Survey Shaam Shantir Bhavatu

So I took one of those surveys and found I was a helicopter.

I have to say I was disappointed.

I so wanted to a be a Mercedes Benz. Cruising at 150 kms per hour, without hitting any bumps or craters on the road. Giving every body a joy ride through life. Playing some soul stirring music. Looking at the map just once in a while to figure out where exactly I want to go. But no such luck. I am a chopper. That means I possibly make a lot of noise that bother my near and dear ones. They perhaps have to duck every time they see me land. My presence probably just blows them away. They surely hate me. And who can blame them?

The survey seemed pretty harmless when I took it. I did not know it would pack such a devastating punch.The very first question was if I wanted to put my children in day care. I said no thank you. I am a stay at home mom.

Then it asked if I checked my daughter's cell phone messages. Considering my daughter does not have a cell phone and all her messages come to my mobile, I said yes.

This one was innocuous. Do you accompany your children every where? Indeed I do. The city roads are not safe for young children. I mean, would you not accompany your 14 year old daughter to her tuition class at 7 pm? The class is not near. And it goes on till night 9, so I bring her back home too. Do you mind?

The next one was straight forward. Do you let your kids go online without you supervising? No, never. And to be doubly sure, I have kept the computer in my bedroom. So they are in my room whenever they use it. I will be that way till they are legally old to watch porn. Which in my opinion will be never.

I think the next one was what buried me. It asked if I helped my kids in school work. Of course I said yes. I am an educated person, fully equipped to handle any queries (except any pertaining to physics). Why shouldn't I help them? And if I don't, do you think my mother in law will ever forgive me? Her precious son was a gold medallist through out his life.My daughters are dumb according to her. ( All due to poor mommy's defective genes) If I do not help them to perform well, they will have to hear how daddy won medals and cups at school and how pathetic it is not to do well in academics. I never want my kids to hear that. So there.

And the last one was absolutely useless. Do you always keep track of your kids' friends, their activities and their class schedules? Yes, yes, yes. I know their friends, where they live,what they do, what books they are reading currently, their phone numbers and their parents' cell numbers. Any problem?

So now you all know the result. I am a helicopter mom. I constantly hover over my kids and bug the hell out of them. Apparently, I do not let them make their own choices and constantly suffocate them with my over-protectiveness. I am so devastated to know this. My mother in law on the contrary is sure to be a Porsche. She sent her only son to a hostel at sixteen and has never stayed with him till her husband passed away, which was just three years back.

So to make sure peace prevails in my household and my children learn to be independent and confident individuals, I have decided to turn into a new transport. So no interference from my side, no reminders of any class activity, no dropping and fetching to wherever. To help me go through this difficult time, I have taken to fervently praying every day. May good befall all. May there be peace for all. May all attain perfection. May all be healthy. May all experience what is good and let no one suffer. Aum Shantih Shantih Shantih.

It is going to be so damn difficult.